


The Darkness Inside My Head

by Malaayna



Series: My Poetry [3]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Depression mention, My screwy fucking head, Poetry, Suicide mentiom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 04:49:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11844270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malaayna/pseuds/Malaayna
Summary: Hey so here's another poemThis one is based on depressionDon't read if you're easily triggered





	The Darkness Inside My Head

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so here's another poem  
> I've been listening to The HardAches alot lately and  
> Wow   
> They're so inspirational   
> And I've been trying to put my fucked up thoughts onto paper just so I have a little more space in my head yaknow?  
> Anyways  
> Hopefully I'll actually get something fandom related out soon  
> Probly not tho

The darkness inside my head fucking sucks  
They call it "The Black Dog" here   
Like it's some growling, bristled thing,  
Biting and scratching at the perfect mask I've put on  
But I don't think that's very fair  
Some of the nicest dogs I've met have been black

The darkness inside my head fucking sucks   
It's much more like smoke, I think  
That thick, black, toxic smoke you get when you burn tires  
Filling the wrinkles in my grey matter  
The space between synapses   
Filling my lungs with filth till I can't breathe   
Filling every inch of me till theres nothing but smog  
Nothing but numbness

Because depression isn't sadness   
That's the biggest load of bullshit that's ever been forced down anyone's throat

Depression is feeling nothing at all  
It's that first step you take after standing up,  
With both feet asleep  
It's trying to walk normally,  
So no-one can tell you can't feel your feet at all  
Except it's your whole body

The darkness inside my head fucking sucks  
I know I joke about a lot of this  
"I'd rather be fat than dead"  
"Thank fuck for medication, cause this shit makes me want to kill myself"  
"Brb, gunna go jump in front of a truck"  
"Better hide the knives lolz"

But  
It's all a mask

The darkness inside my head fucking sucks   
I don't think I've felt a real, strong, complete emotion since my first breakdown   
Next year I'll have been on antidepressants for 10 years  
And I honestly don't know if they're doing anything more than making me feel numb  
I haven't felt a. Single. Fucking. Emotion in ten goddamn years  
Ten. Fucking. Years of feeling hollow   
Ten. Fucking. Years of feeling like my emotions belong to someone else  
And I'm just watching through a streaky glass window  
Ten. Fucking. Years.  
Of feeling like my life belongs more to the pharmacist than it does to me 

The darkness inside my head fucking sucks   
It sucks because I cant escape it,  
No matter what I use to dull it

It sucks because it doesn't leave room for anything else.


End file.
